5 Tips For Surviving the Holidays With Your New Step-Family

Post-divorce holidays can be tough – and they can seem impossible when a new spouse and stepchildren are involved. In some cases, a degree of harmony is achieved prior to the most stressful time of year. But all too often, exes and unknown expectations make it a real challenge to keep the peace. The holidays can quickly morph into a National Lampoon-style free-for-all that unleashes all of your negative traits and mortifies your children (and step-kids) in the process. But blending your new family for the holidays can be relatively pain-free. Just follow these simple suggestions.

Eliminate Preconceived Notions and "Perfect Scenario" Daydreams

Life is not a cheesy 1970s sitcom, so toss unrealistic dreams of perfection out the window. Focusing on the fantasy of a perfect blended family scenario can lead to disaster and disappointment. Kids will fight and misbehave. Your spouse may compare your stuffing to the ex’s. And you might have picked out the wrong smart phone for Santa to give to your new step teenager. Maintaining realistic expectations and keeping your cool will ensure family growth and satisfying holidays in the future.

Plan Your Holiday the Blended Way

Despite all of your preparations to make sure everything looks, smells and tastes perfect, there is bound to be at least some drama. Even when nothing else goes wrong, everything can be turned upside-down with a few poorly chosen words or one too many drinks. Hold pre-holiday family meetings before the main gathering to make sure you're all on the same page. This will help keep straight who’s allergic to nuts, who hates the color red, and who might have a meltdown if you have the audacity to serve store-bought desserts or canned gravy.

Keep and Expand Traditions Whenever Possible

Traditions can be either intentional or accidental. They can be old or new. You’re well-versed in your own traditions (or lack thereof), and your new family members likely have their favorites as well. Putting the kids and your new spouse ahead of your own desires will help your new blended family get those most out of this first all-important celebration.

Keep Respect High On the List of Priorities

If you’re a stepparent, guess what? Chances are, you may quickly learn that you're not one of your new family's favorites. Don’t fret. It takes two-to-four years, on average, to successfully blend families. Until then, do your part. Set pride and ill will aside and reach out to ex-spouses on both sides. Exchange gifts. Extend an invitation to a pre-holiday party. And discuss with the ex (in front of your current spouse) gift ideas you or they may have for their children. Offer appreciation of the children, give compliments when they’re due, and respect custodial times and schedules.

Keep Things Light And Don’t Compete

The holidays are stressful times for kids, too. You are not in competition for your stepchildren's affection – and even if you were, you’d lose. They already have parents. You’re just mom or dad’s new love. While emotions should be permitted, disrespect should not. Make it a fun family challenge to see who can keep the calmest in lieu of unexpected chaos. And be a positive role model. Seeing adults getting along in the toughest times serves as an invaluable lesson, particularly for younger children. Most importantly, keep things fun. A good outlook and sense of humor will go a long way to fully blend your new family.

For more advice on keeping holiday peace with the exes, consult your Michigan divorce lawyer.

Femminineo Attorneys
Michigan Divorce Help
110 S Main St #200
Mt Clemens, MI 48043
United States
(586) 954-9500
http://www.michigandivorcehelp.com/