Deciding to end a marriage can be a stressful time full of inconsistent
emotions, doubt, and guilt. On one hand, weight may be lifted if this was a
gradual parting and mutual decision. But that’s not always the case. Many
times, the pressure and fears of starting a new life apart from your long-term
partner are only compounded by the realization that you have to first confront
the most precious people in your life; your children. While there is no easy,
cookie cutter way to do it, seeking Michigan
divorce help prior to the disclosure can cement some loose details and help
you find the strength to inform the rest of your family. The following guidelines
may help ease your burden when opening up to your kids.
1. Vary Your Divorce Talk Approach By Age
Just how long you wait to inform your children of your impending marital change should really be based on their ages; although the differences should only be slight to avoid saddling your older children as secret keepers. Toddlers and early preschoolers may not even notice much of a change if they still get to regularly see the absent parent after the divorce or separation is final. But they still need no more than a couple days notice. Otherwise, it may seem like an eternity to them and simply confuse or give them false hope (i.e. It didn't happen, so Mommy or Daddy is staying after all).
Young school-age children usually need no longer than a week’s notice. Peers are often overly cruel at that stage, and giving your youngsters too much time to process the information may lead to behavioral or concentration problems. Telling them about a week prior to one parent leaving the household allows their questions and concerns to unfold naturally as opposed to building up internally.
Older school age children and teens deserve a good two weeks notice before a major change occurs. They’ll often feel pent up rage or confusion and need to discuss things in great detail with a best pal or even a school therapist. Give them the opportunity to work things out on their own terms without you hovering, while making it clear you’re there whenever they want to talk.
2. Limit the Details
Your Michigan divorce attorney knows the details of your split. So, likely, do your closest friends and possibly even specific family members. Your children do not need to know the adult details of your divorce. No good ever comes in pitting your children against your partner. In fact, doing so just makes you come across as the weak parent. Divorce is not uncommon, and your kids likely have friends who are products of split households. But they still don’t need to know the intimate specifics of your marriage. Put your children first by limiting the details.
3. Simplify the Information
'Mommy and Daddy can’t live together anymore. It’s not because of you. This happens sometimes with adults. We still love you and always will. You’re not losing Mommy or Daddy, you’ll just have two homes now.’ Simplify your discussion by telling your children what they need to hear, not the full disclosure of your current emotional state. They’re going to be hurting enough without having to worry about trying to take care of you. Always tell them it’s not their fault; even if they don’t ask or they pretend to know that already.
4. Keep a United Front
Try to schedule a time when you and your partner can sit down together and tell your children about the divorce as a unit. You brought them into the world together, and they deserve to hear it calmly from both of you. There will likely be strong emotions and potentially even blame from your offspring. Keep cool and remember this is a normal and necessary part of the process.
5. Timing Matters
Know and respect your children enough to realize when they’re already overwhelmed or approaching that status. And do not take that moment to add onto their anxiety. While there are no perfect times to inform your kids of an impending divorce, times not to tell them include: before school, the day of or days before a major test, during midterms, prior to an important event – sports event or game, dance competition, prom, college audition, a class trip, or driving test. That doesn’t mean you’ll need to wait until everyone’s married and has kids of their own; but maybe telling them can wait until after the holidays or until spring break.
It’s going to be tough, no matter how you look at it. But putting together a practical plan for telling your children about your Michigan divorce can make all the difference in their abilities to handle the upcoming changes; and help them feel like they have some control in their future. Contact Femminineo Attorneys in Mt. Clemens to schedule your free initial consultation.
1. Vary Your Divorce Talk Approach By Age
Just how long you wait to inform your children of your impending marital change should really be based on their ages; although the differences should only be slight to avoid saddling your older children as secret keepers. Toddlers and early preschoolers may not even notice much of a change if they still get to regularly see the absent parent after the divorce or separation is final. But they still need no more than a couple days notice. Otherwise, it may seem like an eternity to them and simply confuse or give them false hope (i.e. It didn't happen, so Mommy or Daddy is staying after all).
Young school-age children usually need no longer than a week’s notice. Peers are often overly cruel at that stage, and giving your youngsters too much time to process the information may lead to behavioral or concentration problems. Telling them about a week prior to one parent leaving the household allows their questions and concerns to unfold naturally as opposed to building up internally.
Older school age children and teens deserve a good two weeks notice before a major change occurs. They’ll often feel pent up rage or confusion and need to discuss things in great detail with a best pal or even a school therapist. Give them the opportunity to work things out on their own terms without you hovering, while making it clear you’re there whenever they want to talk.
2. Limit the Details
Your Michigan divorce attorney knows the details of your split. So, likely, do your closest friends and possibly even specific family members. Your children do not need to know the adult details of your divorce. No good ever comes in pitting your children against your partner. In fact, doing so just makes you come across as the weak parent. Divorce is not uncommon, and your kids likely have friends who are products of split households. But they still don’t need to know the intimate specifics of your marriage. Put your children first by limiting the details.
3. Simplify the Information
'Mommy and Daddy can’t live together anymore. It’s not because of you. This happens sometimes with adults. We still love you and always will. You’re not losing Mommy or Daddy, you’ll just have two homes now.’ Simplify your discussion by telling your children what they need to hear, not the full disclosure of your current emotional state. They’re going to be hurting enough without having to worry about trying to take care of you. Always tell them it’s not their fault; even if they don’t ask or they pretend to know that already.
4. Keep a United Front
Try to schedule a time when you and your partner can sit down together and tell your children about the divorce as a unit. You brought them into the world together, and they deserve to hear it calmly from both of you. There will likely be strong emotions and potentially even blame from your offspring. Keep cool and remember this is a normal and necessary part of the process.
5. Timing Matters
Know and respect your children enough to realize when they’re already overwhelmed or approaching that status. And do not take that moment to add onto their anxiety. While there are no perfect times to inform your kids of an impending divorce, times not to tell them include: before school, the day of or days before a major test, during midterms, prior to an important event – sports event or game, dance competition, prom, college audition, a class trip, or driving test. That doesn’t mean you’ll need to wait until everyone’s married and has kids of their own; but maybe telling them can wait until after the holidays or until spring break.
It’s going to be tough, no matter how you look at it. But putting together a practical plan for telling your children about your Michigan divorce can make all the difference in their abilities to handle the upcoming changes; and help them feel like they have some control in their future. Contact Femminineo Attorneys in Mt. Clemens to schedule your free initial consultation.
Femminineo
Attorneys
Michigan Divorce Help
110 S Main St #200
Mt Clemens, MI 48043
United States
(586) 954-9500
http://www.michigandivorcehelp.com/
Michigan Divorce Help
110 S Main St #200
Mt Clemens, MI 48043
United States
(586) 954-9500
http://www.michigandivorcehelp.com/
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